plz talk dirty to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
