wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
