spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
