i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
