How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
