someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
