well I can't set my house on fire every night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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