I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
