I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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