We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
