The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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