Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
