there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
the raccoons are back...
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