your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
