My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
