just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
