I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
