smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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