She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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