i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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