you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
