You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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