im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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