I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
