I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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