just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
