I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I died a long time ago.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
