Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
