He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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