It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
