Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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