Swine flu. Run for my life!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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