He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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