What a fucking waste of an outfit
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Me too!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
