Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
