I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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