We're facebook friends in real life
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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