Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
