I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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