3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
