Apparently you make a good broom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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