The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
