You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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