I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
