How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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