This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
