is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
