clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
