Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How's work?
Spinning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
