it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
