Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
