She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
