we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
