I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
