you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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