she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
