I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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