There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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