Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
