I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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