It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
