somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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