I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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