I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
