I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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