I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they need to just BURY HIM!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
