I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
